TODAY WE SALUTE YOU MR. YELLOW JACKET MAN and MRS. BASKETBALL PLAYER’S MOM

Tonight my husband and I loaded up the family and drove north to San Jose to support my former boss at the U of Hawaii, Jim Bolla as his team took on the San Jose Spartans.  We should have stayed home. 

Our 2 year old, Isabella was excited as we entered the gym and began yelling, “Basketball Basketball”. Unfortunately for her, when the event staff at San Jose dons their bright yellow jackets it causes them to misplace their sense of kindness and understanding.  Isabella had the audacity to run up and down the sidelines (supervised and behind the rope) when Mr. YELLOW JACKET MAN approached us, informing us that he thought it best if Bella sit down for the rest of the game.  I explained to him that she was 2 and with 326 people in a 5,000 seat arena I didn’t think she was obstructing anyone’s view.  Mr. Yellow Jacket Man thought he should offer some outstanding parenting advice by telling me that I should let her know who the parent was in this relationship.  Hey thanks buddy I wasn’t sure who popped her out after 12 agonizing hours of labor. 

I held my New York tongue against my better wishes and took her over to an area where there was not a single soul in the 200 seats in that section.  We sat on the bottom step and tried to watch the game.  Faster than I used to down a Bud Light in college,  Mr. YELLOW JACKET MAN whipped out his big walkie talkie, radioed his co-worker that we were sitting on the stairs and she raced over to inform us that the stairs had to remain clear in case of an emergency.  HUH?  Whose escape are we blocking?  The 200 people not sitting in that section? To top off the night, our two month old had an explosion that would never allow me to get her to the bathroom; however there was an abundance of empty bleachers, so I laid the changing pad down and took care of business.  Wouldn’t you know, MR. YELLOW JACKET MAN didn’t think this was appropriate and started to head for us.  Fortunately my husband shot him with his look of death and MR. YELLOW JACKET MAN changed course.  Careful MR. YELLOW JACKET MAN, you never know who my husband is in real life.

SO TO YOU MR. YELLOW JACKET WEARING MAN I SALUTE YOU AS A TRUE AMERICAN HERO. AS BUD LIGHT SO ELOQUENTLY STATES, “More than any neon sign or exploding scoreboard your yellow jacket says look at me…you think it looks cool, but made of space age fiber it can repel anything including women”.  WAY TO BE A HERO!

Isabella and I did return to our seats where we had the pleasure of sitting in front of a Mrs. Basketball Player’s Mom, (you know everything about basketball, even though your full time job has nothing to do with coaching) from the U of Hawaii and truly witnessed objectivity blinded by love. Thoughtfully, she introduced Isabella to the word Bull Sh**, which I thank you for since now I won’t have to include it in her vocabulary lesson next week. (Saves me some time)  Note to the family, if you want your child to get playing time move up 18 rows, don’t sit three rows behind the bench and scream at the coach “That’s B.S.” numerous times.  When your daughter throws the ball 4 feet over another player’s head, ITS NOT A GOOD PASS!! As my father very gently explained to me in 1992 that if I wasn’t playing it was probably because the player in front of me was better.  (She did have 1000 pts and 500 assists).  So lady get a clue, no coach sits someone that can help their team win.

So to you Mr. Yellow Jacket Man with the big walkie talkie, the cool jacket and the orthopedic shoes I offer you a word of advice; you are Mr. Yellow Jacket Man not secret service, let a supervised child have fun.  And to you Mrs. Basketball Player’s Parent- Those that can, DO; Those that can’t, teach and those that can’t Do or Teach, TALK the WHOLE FREAKING GAME.  So please just shut up, take the blinders off, invest in a dictionary, and get rid of all the hate. Last I checked Coach Bolla of Hawaii has over 350 wins and if you are sitting in the stands it probably means you have zero at the college level.

FOR NOW I AM DISGUSTED WITH MR. YELLOW JACKET MAN and MRS. BASKETBALL PLAYER’S MOM.